New Year's journal

Okay here's the deal, I've once again decided to write a journal. I don't know how long it lasts, let it's worth another try. I've thought a lot about the best way to do this, and I think the best is to utilize the technology of the Internet.

I guess I'll start with the summary of 2006. As a family we had a pretty good year. I successfully passed my boards. Work has been uneventful. The kids are another year older. That's about it.

Today at work I did a submandibular gland excision. I really fell out of practice. Other than thyroids, I don't get a lot of head and neck experience. Everything went well, but it took about twice as long as it should have. At least I haven't forgotten how to do a tonsillectomy. Work was otherwise uneventful. Another day another lame consult.

Today I ran 2 miles. It felt like 5 miles. Tomorrow more of the same.

I have made several New Year's resolutions:
1. Lose 30 pounds.
2. Train for and complete a half marathon in the year 2007.
3. Learn to play the piano.
4. Read one history book per month, and complete one or two history courses in the year 2007.
5. Regular Scripture study and family home evenings.

What are the odds of me finishing these goals? Pretty slim, but it's always worth a try.

I hate Monday

Well, as usual I ate too much over the weekend. I don't know why weekends are so hard. I just love to eat. I run a calorie deficit all week only to make up for it on the weekend. Lifestyle change, bah. I am exhausted as usual.

Extensors

Getting killed at work so missed PT yesterday. I'm having trouble getting long runs in with manditory PT at 0530 every am. Every little bit helps I guess.

ORN: Run 1.5 miles
"Running" total - 13.6

Mexican boycott

Today, immigrants across the country refused to go to work in protest of a perceived failure of the US government to guarantee what they consider basic rights that they deserve for, well, being immigrants. As a counter-protest, I am boycotting Mexican food. Screw you Taco Bell. No more ethnic food for me. Me and my fat ass are stickin to good old fashioned American cuisine. I challenge the whole country to join me. Together we will prove that we don't need any of your lard-laden south of the border crap to be fat. We can manage that quite well on our own, thank you very much.

Today I did special pops PT. Running, push-ups, and sit-ups. Not enough running, so I'm going to do a long run on my own tomorrow. My arms are sore.

Nothing else new. Worried about boards a bit today. Talked to Susie Early on the phone. She is doing well. I don't feel like writing anything else.

ORN: 1.5 miles
"Running" total - 12.1 miles (I remember when I could run that far all at once)

Good for me. Its the weekend.

ORN: 5 miles, 5/1
"Running" total - 10.6 miles

Hooah

I have decided that I don't hate my job or my life. I hate my employer (who shall remain nameless on the 1 in a million chance that the wrong person reads this). I'm too tired to complain anyway.

I have to give a lecture tomorrow. I didn't prepare in time, so I had to skip the run. I probably need a rest day anyway. Diet is going ok.

Hopefully I will have something profound to say about something at some point. Today is the 20th anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster. I am sure there is more where that came from. Pick your poison - global warming from fossile fules or toxic cesspools from nuclear reactors. Screw my great-grandkids. I am sure I wouldn't like them anyway.

Fatty Fat Fatty

I ran again today. Wow, two days in a row. Tomorrow will need to be a cross training day as my legs were really feeling it. Feeling fine.

More clinic today. Seems like everyone is crazy. Maybe its just me. I can't figure out it I hate my job specifically or my life generally. I'm pretty sure its my job as I am happy when I am home. I talked to my old med school friends in Chicago. Unhappiness with the medical profession was the underlying theme. I think part of it is unrealistic expectations. You go to medical school with the idea that you will become a God and change the world. When you finish all you get is another plain old job just like everyone else. I should have become a history professor. The grass is always greener....

ORN:
Run 3 miles
"Running" total 5.6 miles

Riverwalk

Today was the first day of my new lifestyle change. According to John, I am in the "inspiration" stage. I don't feel overwhelmingly inspired, but I do feel positive about my performance on day #1. I ran about 2.5 miles on the Riverwalk. It was a bit hot, but the scenery was beautiful. I thought mostly about how far I have regressed from when I was running 30 miles a week. Not exactly positive thinking, but I also remember when I couldn't run around the block, so I guess it evens out. I don't really have a running plan yet. I am just trying to remember how to put one foot in front of the other.

Saw a ton of clinic at work today. Nothing interesting, as usual.

Past

Today in church we talked about how much easier it is to walk towards a goal looking forward rather than always looking back over your shoulder. While I do agree with this idea, I find my past fitness demons so close at my heels that it is impossible to keep facing forward. When I was in grade school and Jr. High I was always "chubby". While I was never the "fat" kid, my weight prevented me from ever feeling socially acceptable. Anyone who has ever been routinely teased about being fat as a kid knows that it is nearly impossible to overcome the feelings of inadequacy that becomes embedded in your self-consciousness. Jennifer and I were looking at some old high school photos of the two of us yesterday. I was absolutely stunned at how skinny I was. I remember when the pictures were taken. At that time, I truly thought I was fat. I have never been anorexic or bulemic, but as a result of my younger "chubby" days, I have never had and will likely never have a normal body image. Looking forward isn't as easy as it sounds.

Saturday night

Two weeks ago I flew to Chicago and took my boards. The experience was the single most painful experience of my academic career. I have never felt physically ill after taking a test before. All the studying and worrying put me behind at work, so the last two weeks have been crazy.

I am trying to re-commit to a healthy lifestyle. I want to lose 40 pounds and eventually train for a marathon. This is part of the reason that I am writing this Blog. I have never kept a journal before, so I really don't know what to write. I guess I will make it up as I go along. I am feeling fatter and slower than I have since my intern year. I know what I need to do to feel better, but I don't seem to have the courage to start making any real changes. Monday is the day I am going change. Unfortunately, I have had many Monday's that were going to be the day I change. I usually don't make it past Tuesday before giving up. Despair. I wish I had the passion of John Bingham. John is one of my heroes. His guidance helped me lose 50 pounds and finish a half-marathon 4 years ago. Unfortunately, I fell off the wagon into a pile of jelly doughnuts and haven't been able to lift my fat ass back on again.

Several months later....

I am still hear, fatter and slower than ever. I have to take boards next weekend. After that, I am thinking about restarting my blog. My theme may be a bit "broader" however. If you don't get the quotations indicating a pun, you haven't seen my ass lately.