Past

Today in church we talked about how much easier it is to walk towards a goal looking forward rather than always looking back over your shoulder. While I do agree with this idea, I find my past fitness demons so close at my heels that it is impossible to keep facing forward. When I was in grade school and Jr. High I was always "chubby". While I was never the "fat" kid, my weight prevented me from ever feeling socially acceptable. Anyone who has ever been routinely teased about being fat as a kid knows that it is nearly impossible to overcome the feelings of inadequacy that becomes embedded in your self-consciousness. Jennifer and I were looking at some old high school photos of the two of us yesterday. I was absolutely stunned at how skinny I was. I remember when the pictures were taken. At that time, I truly thought I was fat. I have never been anorexic or bulemic, but as a result of my younger "chubby" days, I have never had and will likely never have a normal body image. Looking forward isn't as easy as it sounds.